No, I don't mean like sitting in the front row. (Although I always feel like I'm blocking the view when I do that.) And, no, I don't mean that I operate with hidden agendas. I mean that I don't like being in a position where everyone can watch me. ..too many flaws to potentially expose ... too much opportunity to say or do something stupid (move over, Peter!) ... too much focus on "me."
Interesting that God has put me in exactly that position for the last two years.
In Africa, the position of honor is up on the podium, at the front of the church/building/gathering, facing the people in attendance. This is where we found ourselves each and every time we visited a new church. It's bad enough to be six feet tall and blonde in the middle of a jet-black crowd, but to try to worship or pray or ponder on scripture with all eyes on me is not even within miles of my comfort zone!
I imagine that this is why raising support has been such a challenge for me. Jeff and I have our presentation down to 30 minutes -- when we practice alone. But, as of yet, we can't seem to do it in less than two hours, if we even get around to it at all when we visit! I find it so much easier to focus on those we come to visit instead of us! I know that part of this stage the Lord has us in is ministering to others, but part of it is also in sharing His call and inviting others to join with us in this really exciting Kingdom work!
Then I think of Isaiah, who had to strip down to the clothes he was born in and preach warnings to Isreal, and God whispers that it's not about me, or Isaiah, but about the message He needs to communicate to the people within our circle of influence. The message that He is at work -- in our lives, in our church, in Kenya. The message that His children both here and in Kenya need to understand that He is all they need -- not amulets or crystals or statues, not material trappings or the admiration of others; that He has a purpose -- for every person in every place.
And I pick up the phone to make another call to set another appointment and I smile, because despite my discomfort, at least I don't have to do it naked!
